Tis the Season

'Tis the Season for Overeatin'.

This time of year tends to remind me that I'm fat.  There just seem to be many opportunities to overeat.  Now, part of the fun of being over 40 is the whole new vocabulary that you get to learn.  You get to learn big words like "macular degeneration" "atrial fibrilation" and "portion control".  Portion control is the politically correct way of saying "Don't eat so damn much!"  Which I'm trying to do.  There's never just a good time to do it.

Since it's the end of October, there is currently 10 lbs of candy in my house and more to come.  Then in a month it will be Thanksgiving.  And many of us don't just have one dinner.  Some folks have to spread it out over multiple days and multiple families.  Which tends to lead to overeating.

And just while I'm still stuffed from Thanksgiving, Christmas comes around.  And it's not just Christmas day.  It's all the Holiday parties.  Plus my birthday is in the middle of that as well, which usually involves cake.  More calories and more overeating.

Then we've got to make it past New Years.  With minimal planning you can find yourself at an all-you-can-eat buffet with an open bar.   And of course I think, "Eh, I'll diet in January.  That's what it's for."  Of course who comes around in January?  Girl Scouts and their cookies.  Thin Mints have been breaking New Year's resolutions since 1951.

February?  Valentines Day.  More candy.  March?  St. Patricks Day.  April?  Easter.  Bringing about once a year goodies like marshmallow covered eggs and Reese's eggs that will make me gain weight just by looking at them.  June, July and August also present lots of opportunities to overeat.  Mother's Day.  Father's Day.  Various picnics and outings.  Even September isn't safe.  Many Oktoberfests will start in September if you're north of the Mason-Dixon.

So, basically, I've come to the conclusion that the season to overeat starts in October and then proceeds to lasts 12 months.

Why Farts Are Funny - A Letter To My Wife

While the sexes may never fully understand each other, I will attempt to explain why farts are funny.


First of all, at it's most basic, farts make a funny noise.  Like blowing a raspberry on a baby's tummy.  Yes it tickles, but there's also a funny noise!  If you think we're supposed to mature beyond that of a 6 month old, you're going to be disappointed.  Simple funny sounds will always be funny.  You can teach us not to fart in church, during weddings, on a first date or job interview, but that does not make a fart sound any less funny.  If a fart made the same sound as an old-time car horn that went "AAAHHOOOOGAAAA"  I don't think we could function as a society.  We men would be too busy laughing hysterically.


Next, there's a funny smell.  One element of comedy is "misery at a distance".  If a person walking next to you slips and falls, you rush to help them up and make sure they are okay.  If it happens to a person on television during America's Funniest Home Videos, then it's freakin' hilarious!  So farting in, let's say, a co-workers office causes them just a bit of temporary misery at a distance.  It's misery they can walk away from (And in some cases it's absolutely necessary!) and it's only temporary.  It's not like a punch or a head lock, it causes no real serious pain.


And third, we as men don't feel shame or embarrassment the way you ladies do.  Which is one of the reasons WE NEED YOU!  John Mellencamp said of his wife during a radio interview "I'd be crapping in the streets if it weren't for her."  You ladies help clean us up sometimes and rightly so.  Now there are some things  you ladies can learn from us in this area.  Not that we want you competing with us at farting, but can you loosen up a little if you show up at a party and another woman is wearing the same outfit?  When that happens with us men, we think its great!  You become best friends all night!  It's a bond that transcends social and economic boundaries.  A doctor and a janitor could be wearing the same ugly, Hawaiian print shirt and all night they will say to each other "Hey, great shirt you have there!"  And it would be just as funny every damn time!  It's what we do to help support each other.


Either that or boys are just gross.

In Honor of Alan Turing.  Happy Birthday.


http://testing.turinghub.com/


Robitron P3 v.1.3 (C) 2009 CyberMecha Studios
Fred is now operational.


>Hi Fred
Hello. How's it going?


>Doing well. Thank you
Do you anyone else ?


>You're not doing real well here Fred.  That did not make sense.
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?


>Yes. I'm taking about you.  Your second statement made no sense.
Why are you concerned over my second statement made no sense ?


>Because you are supposed to be smarter than that.
What are your feelings now ?


>A little disappointed.
Could there really be some connection ?


>Yes!  I am disappointed because you can't communicate very well.
Perhaps in your fantasies we can not communicate very well with each other.


>You are just weird, Fred.
We were discussing you -- not me.

MORE INFO ON "HITTING THE NUTS"

Before you order the movie, here are some things you might like to know.

It's PG-13

It hasn't been rated, but think of it as a PG-13 comedy like "Best In Show".  The humor is "off color".  I don't consider it to be real raunchy.  There's no nudity and not much cursing.  It's not meant for the kids.  Under 13, I don't think they would be interested anyway.

It's a comedy. 

I didn't write it.  I'm not in it.  My job was the lead film editor.  We had 24 hours of raw footage, that I cut down to 97 minutes.

It's doing well.

So far it's won 2 awards in 2 festivals.  Next up is the Las Vegas film festival.  We've got high hopes, but as of today, it hasn't been officially accepted yet.

I think you'll like it.

It's a funny movie.  You don't need to know anything about poker to enjoy it.  Kinda like golf and Caddyshack.  

www.hittingthenuts.com

 

HTN is at picture lock.

Wanted to let you know that the film “Hitting The Nuts” has reached picture lock and give you a little update (what I can) about what happens next.

WHAT IS PICTURE LOCK?

Picture lock is a process is a film when all changes to the film have been completed and approved by the director.  In other words Joe and all the other folks have said “Okay, we’re not going to mess with the picture anymore”  Next the film goes to Adam Rabinowitz for audio sweetening and to Mark Denney for color correction.  Then it comes back to me, I’ll marry the two together and we’ll have a finished product.

SO WHEN DO I GET TO SEE IT?

Currently, we are entering the film in a few festivals.  If and when we get accepted, we’ll let you know.  Plus, I’ve heard about showings in LA and Las Vegas and stuff like that there from the Facebook fan page.  I’ve come to learn that distribution is a full-time job in and of itself.

ONE MORE NOTE…

If your scene was cut, please do not take it personal.  A lot of extras showed up and hung around for hours, just to have a small portion of their head in a scene, or maybe nothing at all.  Me included.  When I started the editing process I had 24 hours of raw footage.  And when I put my first rough cut together the movie was 3 hours long.  That’s 180 minutes.  The goal was 90 minutes.  Which meant we knew we had to cut 50% of what we had.  We had to lose a lot of funny stuff.  Losing some of the scenes was actually painful.  They were my friends.  I got to know them.  I looked forward to seeing them.  But I can’t let my personal feelings get in the way of a good end product. 

OH, AND ONE MORE THING….

Mumble mumble….keep…mumble…eye out….mumble….YouTube…mumble..coming weeks.

Mumble.

Click for larger image

So here's a little peek at what's on my desktop right now.


What's going on is Chris Day who plays William Argo in "Hitting The Nuts" is reacting to something on the screen. It was shot with nothing in the screen whatsoever. So, to help the scene, I am putting something in there.


What you're seeing now are 3 programs. Mocha does the motion tracking. I can't track the actual TV screen because Chris waves his hand and arm in front of it, so I'm tracking the flowers above the TV.


From there we go to After Effects. AE will help the footage in the screen look like it belongs there. Plus I need to add his arm and face on TOP of the new footage. Otherwise his arm would go behind the new stuff in the screen.


Once it's rendered, the new footage gets put into the main timeline. And I watch it repeatedly and judge the amount of shadow, noise, grain and motion blur that the new image has to make sure it blends into the scene.


All this just to make sure you never notice it.

HTN - Update 12/20

Just wanted to give you an update on how the movie is coming. People have been asking how the editing has progressing and other than "It's coming along!" or "I'm working on it" I have not said much. I wanted to make this a real update.

At this point we are deep into rough cut stage. I'd say we're beyond a rough cut and we're tweaking at this point. We're adding scenes and deleting scenes and stuff like that. So we're fine tuning what we can. We've had a couple of internal reviews and those have gone great. So there's still a lot of excitement and energy around what were doing.

There's still a lot of work to be done. A few pick-up things, some graphics, more tweaking, some music, and some fine tuning. The next major step is to reach picture lock, which means the director does not want to mess with the editing or the story anymore. Once we get that, then the movie goes to sound for audio sweetening and color correction. So, if you're wondering when the movie is going to be out, I can't say anything other than "next summer."

If you're wondering "How can I get to see it?" Well, don't worry. I will be sure you know when it is. You'll probably get a personal invitation from yours truly if you're reading this. I've heard there is going to be a Cincinnati premier of some sort, at least one showing open to the public. Something like that. So I will be sure to let you know.

The movie is very funny. The reaction so far has been great. I've seen it several times and it's still entertaining. Which is a good sign. So we'll see what happens.